Over the millenia, there has been many valiant efforts to solve the worlds wars and establish world peace. Countless treaties, trade embargoes, and allies have been established but yet the problems still persist...
Now, I went to high school, I learned about those boring un-important things like the Magna Carta, the Treaty of Versailles, and NATO, and if anything, I've learned that a treaty doesn't really mean that their will never be a problem regarding that issue again, and then of course, when there is a problem, it's all out WAR. It just seems that we as humans cannot seem to talk about things before be come in missiles hot, muscles showing, and drool dangling from our lips. We are a proud, protective people.
Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.
-Ernest Hemingway
BUT WAIT! I, Madison Hollenkamp, have come up with a novel solution... and I don't care if you say, "Hey, I've heard this before."
Because No, you haven't!
I being a pacifist, don't condone this shoot 'em up bang bang style of living that so many people have become accustomed to. I don't enjoy boxing or wrestling (barbaric) and I certainly don't "run dees streets wit mah glock." Surprising, I know, I don't even like to kill bugs when they are in my house. But I have come up with a way that we can still conduct battle (Whew!) so we can protect those people from those other people, gain religious freedom, protect our country, and some other stuff.... Here it is, let me paint the picture....
You're in the middle of a dessert, there are sand dunes and mountains all around, you're in your top secret hiding spot, hiding from the enemy, you look down, its 3:46 am. Damn. You're tired, you've been deployed for the last 7 months occupied in some foreign country that you would have never have wanted to vacation in, and just want to end it all, you are lost in a world of hatred and warfare. So what do you to escape the gunfire and explosions around you?
You run out, in plain sight! and BAM BAM, DOUBLE TAP! you're shot!. you're shot not with bullets but with tranquilizer darts, you grab a few last fumbling steps before you are knocked out for the next 6 hours. SUCCESS! Understand? This is my solution to losing thousands of soldiers in a frivolous war with an invisible enemy-
Tranquilizer darts and/or Anesthesia gas bombs! (whatever tickles your fancy)
In a war like this, there wont be any need for expensive caskets or funeral costs, no super high tech weapons that cost our country millions of dollars every year. This solution is amazing because not only does it cut war costs incredibly, it is a way of holding somewhat peaceful battles to establish a winner every time, thereby, quickly and easily solving the issue at hand. Here's how it works...
Instead of expensive hospitals with tons of stuff and things to treat shrapnel and gunshot wounds, each "side" would need something like an adult nursery- cots, blankets, pillows, things like that. And instead of having the expense of paying all of these nurses and doctors (who needs 'em), we would just need a couple of teenage babysitters- They are WAY cheaper than doctors...
Did I also mention that this war will only last one day too? the opposing sides schedule the "dual." you know, some cute little save the dates issued from shutterfly, with date,time and local. once everyone arrives geared up for battle (helmets will also be a must so you wont fall on your head if you are shot) IT BEGINS! An all out free-for-all capture the flag style of tranq-dart war.
Simple enough right?!
Conclusion, by the end of the day, the "team" (country) ((team sounds a lot more fun and less serious, because after all, this solution is supposed to help eliminate the invisible lines keeping countries divided from each other, much less hatred)) with the most soldiers left standing is the winner, and once everyone wakes up from their comfy cuddly cots they can go home, ALIVE, with only a little grogginess and the doc's orders not to drive for the next 12 hours.
No un-necessary deaths, no families mourning, no paralyzed vets, and no super high rates of PTSD!
This may very well be the best idea, I have come up with and that you have ever heard, what do you think?
....zZzZzZzZ....
